Supporting Kids: Cancer of a Loved One

 Supporting Kids: Cancer of a Loved One

 

Before the Conversation:

1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a quiet, comfortable space where you can have a private conversation without distractions. I like talking with my kids in the car, especially about heavy subjects, because it's a special time when we can really focus on our conversation. Plus, sitting in the car gives us some extra space, and I've noticed that it helps some kids feel cozier and more relaxed when they want to talk and share their thoughts.
2. Prepare Yourself: It's important to take some time for yourself to think about how you're feeling and to learn more about the diagnosis and treatment plan, whether it's for you or a family member. This way, you can better understand what's happening, and it can also help you feel more prepared to talk with your child about it. Remember, it's okay to have your own feelings too, and sharing them with your child can show them that it's okay to have emotions and talk about them together. When my mom was first diagnosed, I remember talking to my kids (then 5 and 8) about cancer, what it meant, and acknowledged that it may feel very scary. Both kids processed and reacted very differently, so having patience was our greatest allies. I also had to accept and process the news myself to help my kids. 

 

During the Conversation:

3.     Use Age-Appropriate Language: Make sure you talk in a way that fits how old the child is and what you know about their processing and maturity. We used words like "cancer" and "chemo" because we wanted them to be clear words they could understand when we talked about it around them. Sometimes, kids may overhear adults talking about these things with others. You want to ensure they have a basin understanding of what we're discussing so they don't feel anxious or worried hearing words and subjects they are not familiar with.

4.     Be Honest: Provide truthful, straightforward information about the diagnosis. Avoid making unrealistic promises or minimizing the situation, and be sure to answer all their questions or make sure to come back to those you may not have answers for.

4. Explain the Diagnosis: Use clear and concise language to explain what cancer is and how it's affecting the body. You can compare it to when the body gets sick and needs special treatment.
5. Emphasize It's Not Their Fault: Reassure children that the illness is not their fault and that nothing they did or said caused it.
6. Discuss Treatment: Explain the treatment plan in a way that they can grasp. Mention how it may affect appearance or energy levels and reassure them that doctors are working to make their person better.
7. Encourage Questions: Let them know it's okay to ask questions and express their feelings. Answer questions honestly but age-appropriately.
8. Share Emotions: Express your own emotions and let them know it's okay to have feelings like sadness, anger, or fear. Encourage them to share their feelings as well. We were very open with our kids about how we felt during my mom’s cancer journey, and still are with our grief to this day. The greatest lesson we can teach our kids during difficult times is that their feelings (all of them) are normal and that we love them no matter what. 

 

After the Conversation:

 

9.     Offer Reassurance: Reiterate your love for them, and how much they matter. Let them know you will always be there for them, even during treatment (yours or the loved one’s).

10.  Maintain Routine: Try to maintain as much normalcy as possible in their daily routines to provide stability and comfort. Try not to make any substantial changes in routine during this time.

11.  Seek Support: Encourage them to talk to a trusted adult or counselor if they have additional questions or need someone to confide in. Talking to children about cancer can feel extremely difficult. Utilize professionals to help in any way. A great way to being is with school counselors/social workers. Our kids were blessed to have a wonderful school counselor who dropped in often to check on them and/or to pull them in for sessions.

 

Remember that children may react differently to the news, and their emotions may evolve over time. Continue to provide ongoing support, open communication, and reassurance as they process your diagnosis and treatment. Your honesty and love will go a long way in helping them navigate something that is extremely difficult even for us adults!

 

Book Suggestions:

See previous blog post for detailed list!

 

Children’s Bill of Rights

The Children's Bill of Rights by Alan Wolfort is a comprehensive declaration that outlines the fundamental rights and protections every child should have. It emphasizes the importance of providing children with a safe and nurturing environment, access to quality education, healthcare, and the right to be heard and respected. This document serves as a powerful reminder of our collective responsibility to ensure the well-being and of our youngest generation, advocating for their rights and dignity at every step. It also serves as a reminder of the power of love and support during dark times in our children’s lives.

 

CLICK here for the PDF (no sign ups or payment needed!)